Ron White Quotes and Sayings

Ron White Quotes

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.

Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Ron White

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

Ron White

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

Ron White

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

Ron White

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

Ron White

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.

Ron White

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.

Ron White

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

Ron White

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

Ron White

You can't fix stupid.

Ron White

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.

Ron White

The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.

Ron White

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

Ron White

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

Ron White

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

Ron White

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.

Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

Ron White

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

Ron White

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.

Ron White

I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.

Ron White

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

Ron White

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

Ron White

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.

Ron White

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

Ron White

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.

Ron White

My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.

Ron White

My goal is just to become a better comedian.

Ron White

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.

Ron White

But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.

Ron White

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.

Ron White

I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.

Ron White

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.

Ron White

Everybody I know is a joke writer.

Ron White

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

Ron White

I don't do any corporate work.

Ron White

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

Ron White